Networking without the ‘ick’ - how to build genunine connections that last
Inspired by Mel Robbins' podcast with Harvard Business School's #1 Professor, Dr. Brooks
When most people hear the word “networking,” they imagine awkward small talk, forced smiles and handing out business cards like confetti at a wedding. If that sounds like your idea of a nightmare - you’re not alone. But what if I told you that the most powerful kind of networking isn’t about performance, perfection or pitching yourself? It’s about connection.
I recently listened to a brilliant episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast featuring Harvard Business School’s Professor Brooks, who shared one of the most important mindset shifts around networking I’ve ever heard:
Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for connection.
Find out what the other person needs - and then figure out how you can help them.
This simple shift changes everything. Whether you’re a school leaver or graduate exploring career options, a mum returning to the workplace or changing careers, or a professional taking on more responsibility or aiming for a promotion - building relationships doesn’t have to be scary, strategic or staged. It can be human. Here’s how:
1. Ditch the Pitch — Get Curious Instead
Instead of asking “What can I say to impress them?”, ask:
“What can I learn from this person?”
When you show genuine curiosity in someone else’s story, work or journey - people naturally open up. People do like to talk about themselves, it a natural human trait, but it’s more powerful when the other person is genuinely interested in how the other person did what they did, or chose the path that they chose. If you show excitement in someone else’s work or their achievements or ask them for their advice, then that’s the greatest form of flattery. People will remember how you made them feel. You don’t need a perfect elevator pitch. You just need to care.
2. Start Small & Keep It Real
Networking doesn’t have to happen at big industry events or formal meet-ups. It can start with:
A LinkedIn comment on a post that resonated with you
A message to someone whose career path you admire
Asking a guest speaker a thoughtful question
A friendly chat with someone at your child’s school or sports club
A half hour chat over a cup of coffee - or tea!
Think of networking as conversations, not contacts. The goal isn’t to collect names - it’s to build relationships.
3. Give Before You Ask
Professor Brooks highlights something many people overlook:
The best networkers don’t lead with a favour. You might need to find out what their current challenges are or what their needs may be to achieve their goals. And then work out how you might be able to help them in some way.
Lead with a contribution rather than a request.
Ask yourself:
Can I share a resource or insight that might be helpful?
Can I introduce them to someone in my network?
Can I cheer them on or amplify their work - through social media posts or share with my current network?
This generous approach flips the fear. You’re not taking up space - you’re adding value.
4. Let Go of the Outcome
Sometimes a connection leads to a job, or a collaboration or a mentor. Sometimes it just leads to a good chat. Both are valuable.
Not every conversation needs to be a stepping stone to something else. When we remove the pressure, we show up more authentically - and that’s exactly what makes people want to help and remember us.
5. Follow Up Like a Human, Not a Salesperson
Send a message afterwards. Say what you appreciated about the conversation.
Stay in touch - not just when you need something, but because you’re interested in their journey.
BETTER STILL - use this suggestion that I pinched from a new friend, Polly Ingestre from MRFG Consulting: send a handwritten note or card saying something like:
“Thank you so much for your time the other day. It was so great to hear your story”.
Mention something specific they said that really resonated with you. It shows you were truly listening.
A physical letter/card arriving through the post is a dying form of communication. Use it to create standout and memorability – and show genuine appreciation towards the other person for giving up their time to talk to you!
Final Thought: Connection Over Perfection
If networking feels intimidating, that’s OK. But you don’t need to have it all figured out to start. Just show up with curiosity, humility and a willingness to connect. AND, don’t try to be anyone or anything that you are not, just be your authentic self. That’s where the magic happens.